1．A private conversation
Last week I went to the theatre. I had a
very good seat. The play was very interesting. I did not enjoy it. A
young man and a young woman were sitting behind me. They were talking
loudly. I got very angry. I could not hear the actors. I turned
round. I looked at the man and the woman angrily. They did not pay
any attention. In the end, I could not bear it. I turned round again.
I cant hear a word! I said angrily.
Its none of your business,
the young man said rudely. This is a private conversation!
2．Breakfast
or lunch?
It was Sunday. I never get up early on Sundays. I
sometimes stay in bed until lunchtime. Last Sunday I got up very
late. I looked out of the window. It was dark outside. What a day! I
thought. It’s raining again. Just then, the telephone rang. It was
my aunt Lucy. I’ve just arrived by train, she said. I‘m coming to
see you.
But I’m still having breakfast, I said.
What are
you doing? she asked.
Im having breakfast, I repeated.
Dear
me, she said. Do you always get up so late? It‘s one oclock!
3．Please
Send Me a Card
Postcards always spoil my holidays. Last summer, I
went to Italy. I visited museums and sat in public gardens. A
friendly waiter taught me a few words of Italian. Then he lent me a
book. I read a few lines, but I did not understand a word. Everyday I
thought about postcards. My holidays passed quickly, but I did not
send cards to my friends. On the last day I made a big decision. I
got up early and bought thirty-seven cards. I spent the whole day in
my room, but I did not write a single card!
4.An
exciting trip
I have just received a letter from my brother, Tim.
He is in Australia. He has been there for six months. Tim is an
engineer. He is working for a big firm and he has already visited a
great number of different places in Australia. He has just bought an
Australian car and has gone to Alice springs, a small town in the
centre of Australia. He will soon visit Darwin. From there, he will
fly to Perth. My brother has never been abroad before, so he is
fending this trip very exciting.
5．No
wrong numbers
Mr.James Scott has a garage in Silbury and now he
has just bought another garage in Pinhurst. Pinhurst is only five
miles from Silbury, but Mr. Scott cannot get a telephone for his new
garage, so he has just bought twelve pigeons. Yesterday, a pigeon
carried the first message from Pinhurst to Silbury. The bird covered
the distance in three minutes. Up to now, Mr.Scott has sent a great
many requests for spare parts and other urgent messages from one
garage to the other. In this way, he has begun his own private
telephone service.
6．Percy
Buttons
I have just moved to a house in Bridge Street. Yesterday a
beggar knocked at my door. He asked me for a meal and a glass of
beer. In return for this, the beggar stood on his head and sang
songs. I gave him a meal. He ate the food and drank the beer. Then he
put a piece of cheese in his pocket and went away. Later a neighbour
told me about him. Everybody knows him. His name is Percy Buttons. He
calls at every house in the street once a month and always asks for a
meal and a glass of beer.
7
。Too
late
The plane was late and detectives were waiting at the airport
all morning. They were expecting a valuable parcel of diamonds from
South Africa. A few hours earlier, someone had told the police that
thieves would try to steal the diamonds. When the plane arrived, some
of the detectives were waiting inside the main building while others
were waiting on the airfield. Two men took the parcel off the plane
and carried it into the Customs House. While two detectives were
keeping guard at the door, two others opened the parcel. To their
surprise, the precious parcel was full of stones and sand!
8．The
best and the worst
Joe Sanders has the most beautiful garden in
our town. Nearly everybody enters for The Nicest Garden Competition
each year, but Joe wins every time. Bill Friths garden is larger than
Joes. Bill works harder than Joe and grows more flowers and
vegetables, but Joes garden is more interesting. He has made neat
paths and has built a wooden bridge over a pool. I like gardens too,
but I do not like hard work. Every year I enter for the garden
competition too, and I always win a little prize for the worst garden
in the town!
9．A
cold welcome
On
Wednesday evening, we went to the Town Hall. It was the last day of
the year and a large crowd of people had gathered under the Town Hall
clock. It would strike twelve in twenty minutes time. Fifteen minutes
passed and then, at five to twelve, the clock stopped. The big minute
hand did not move. We waited and waited, but nothing happened.
Suddenly someone shouted. Its two minutes past twelve! The clock has
stopped! I looked at my watch. It was true. The big clock refused to
welcome the New Year. At that moment, everybody began to laugh and
sing.
10．Not
for jazz
We have an old musical instrument. It is called a
clavichord. It was made in Germany in 1681. Our clavichord is kept in
the living room. It has belonged to our family for a long time. The
instrument was bought by my grandfather many years ago. Recently it
was damaged by a visitor. She tried to play jazz on it! She struck
the keys too hard and two of the strings were broken. My father was
shocked. Now we are not allowed to touch it. It is being repaired by
a friend of my fathers.
11．One
good turn deserves another
I was having dinner at a restaurant
when Tony Steele came in. Tony worked in a lawyers office years ago,
but he is now working at a bank. He gets a good salary, but he always
borrows money from his friends and never pays it back. Tony saw me
and came and sat at the same table. He has never borrowed money from
me. While he was eating, I asked him to lend me twenty pounds. To my
surprise, he gave me the money immediately. I have never borrowed any
money from you, Tony said, so now you can pay for my dinner!
12．Goodbye
and good luck
Our neighbour, Captain Charles Alison, will sail
from Portsmouth tomorrow. Well meet him at the harbour early in the
morning. He will be in his small boat, Topsail. Topsail is a famous
little boat. It has sailed across the Atlantic many times. Captain
Alison will set out at eight oclock, so well have plenty of time.
Well see his boat and then well say goodbye to him. He will be away
for two months. We are very proud of him. He will take part in an
important race across the Atlantic.
13．The
Greenwood Boys
The Greenwood Boys are a group of pop singers. At
present, they are visiting all parts of the country. They will be
arriving here tomorrow. They will be coming by train and most of the
young people in the town will be meeting them at the station.
Tomorrow evening they will be singing at the Workers Club. The
Greenwood Boys will be staying for five days. During this time, they
will give five performances. As usual, the police will have a
difficult time. They will be trying to keep order. It is always the
same on these occasions.
14．Do
you speak English?
I had an amusing experience last year. After I
had left a small village in the south of France, I drove on to the
next town. On the way, a young man waved to me. I stopped and he
asked me for a lift. As soon as he had got into the car, I said good
morning to him in French and he replied in the same language. Apart
from a few words, I do not know any French at all. Neither of us
spoke during the journey. I had nearly reached the town, when the
young man suddenly said, very slowly, "Do you speak English? As
I soon learnt, he was English himself!
15．Good
news
The secretary told me that Mr. Harmsworth would see me. I
felt very nervous when I went into his office. He did not look up
from his desk when I entered. After I had sat down, he said that
business was very bad. He told me that the firm could not afford to
pay such large salaries. Twenty people had already left. I knew that
my turn had come.
Mr.Harmsworth, I said in a weak voice.
Dont
interrupt, he said.
Then he smiled and told me I would receive an
extra thousand pounds a year!
16．A
polite request
If
you park your car in the wrong place, a traffic policeman will soon
find it. You will be very lucky if he lets you go without a ticket.
However, this does not always happen. Traffic police are sometimes
very polite. During a holiday in Sweden, I found this note on my car:
sir, we welcome you to our city. This is a "No Parking"
area. You will enjoy your stay here if you pay attention to our
street signs. This note is only a reminder. If you receive a request
like this, you cannot fail to obey it!
17．Always
young
My
aunt Jennifer is an actress. She must be at least thirty-five years
old. In spite of this, she often appears on the stage as a young
girl. Jennifer will have to take part in a new play soon. This time,
she will be a girl of seventeen. In the play, she must appear in a
bright red dress and long black stockings. Last year in another play,
she had to wear short socks and a bright, orange-coloured dress. If
anyone ever asks her how old she is, she always answers, ‘Darling,
it must be terrible to be grown up! ’
18．He
often does this!
After
I had had lunch at a village pub, I looked for my bag. I had left it
on a chair beside the door and now it wasnt there! As I was looking
for it, the landlord came in.
Did you have a good meal?" he
asked.
Yes, thank you, I answered, but I cant pay the bill. I
havent got my bag.
The landlord smiled and immediately went out.
In a few minutes he returned with my bag and gave it back to me.
Im
very sorry, he said. My dog had taken in into the garden. He often
does this!
19．Sold
out
'The
play may begin at any moment,' I said.
'It may have begun
already,' Susan answered.
I hurried to the ticket
office. 'May I have two tickets please?' I asked.
'I'm sorry, we've sold
out,' the girl said.
'What a pity!' Susan
exclaimed.
Just then, a man hurried
to the ticket office.
'Can I return these two
tickets?' he asked.
'Certainly,' the girl
said.
I went back to the
ticket office at once.
'Could I have those two
tickets please?' I asked.
'Certainly,' the girl
said, 'but they're for next Wednesday's performance. Do you still
want them?'
'I
might as well have them,' I said sadly.
20．One
man in a boat
Fishing
is my favourite sport. I often fish for hours without catching
anything. But this does not worry me. Some fishermen are unlucky.
Instead of catching fish, they catch old boots and rubbish. I am even
less lucky. I never catch anything -- not even old boots. After
having spent whole mornings on the river, I always go home with an
empty bag. You must give up fishing! my friends say. Its a waste of
time. But they dont realize one important thing. Im not really
interested in fishing. I am only interested in sitting in a boat and
doing nothing at all!
21．Mad
or not?
Aeroplanes
are slowly driving me mad. I live near an airport and passing planes
can be heard night and day. The airport was built years ago, but for
some reason it could not be used then. Last year, however, it came
into use. Over a hundred people must have been driven away from their
homes by the noise. I am one of the few people left. Sometimes I
think this house will be knocked down by a passing plane. I have been
offered a large sum of money to go away, but I am determined to stay
here. Everybody says I must be mad and they are probably right.
22.A
glass envelope
My
daughter, Jane, never dreamed of receiving a letter from a girl of
her own age in Holland. Last year, we were travelling across the
Channel and Jane put a piece of paper with her name and address on it
into a bottle. She threw the bottle into the sea. She never thought
of it again, but ten months later, she received a letter from a girl
in Holland. Both girls write to each other regularly now. However,
they have decided to use the post office. Letters will cost a little
more, but they will certainly travel faster.
23.A
new house
I
had a letter from my sister yesterday. She lives in Nigeria. In her
letter, she said that she would come to England next year. If she
comes, she will get a surprise. We are now living in a beautiful new
house in the country. Work on it had begun before my sister left. The
house was completed five months ago. In my letter, I told her that
she could stay with us. The house has many large rooms and there is a
lovely garden. It is a very modern house, so it looks strange to some
people. It must be the only modern house in the district.
24.
If could be worse
I
entered the hotel managers office and sat down. I had just lost $50
and I felt very upset. I left the money in my room, I said, and its
not there now. The manager was sympathetic, but he could do nothing.
Everyones losing money these days, he said. He started to complain
about this wicked world but was interrupted by a knock at the door. A
girl came in and put an envelope on his desk. It contained $50. I
found this outside this gentlemans room, she said. Well, I said to
the manager, there is still some honesty in this world!
25.
Do the English speak English?
I
arrived in London at last. The railway station was big, black and
dark. I did not know the way to my hotel, so I asked a porter. I not
only spoke English very carefully, but very clearly as well. The
porter, however, could not understand me. I repeated my question
several times and at last he understood. he answered me, but he spoke
neither slowly nor clearly. I am a foreigner, I said. Then he spoke
slowly, but I could not understand him. My teacher never spoke
English like that! The porter and I looked at each other and smiled.
Then he said something and I understood it. Youll soon learn English!
he said. I wonder. In England, each person speaks a different
language. The English understand each other, but I dont understand
them! Do they speak English?
26.
The best art critics
I
am an art student and I paint a lot of pictures. Many people pretend
that they understand modern art. They always tell you what a picture
is about. Of course, many pictures are not about anything. They are
just pretty patterns. We like them in the same way that we like
pretty curtain material. I think that young children often appreciate
modern pictures better than anyone else. They notice more. My sister
is only seven, but she always tells me whether my pictures are good
or not. She came into my room yesterday.
What are you doing? she
asked.
Im hanging this picture on the wall, I answered. Its a new
one. Do you like it?
She looked at it critically for a moment.
Its all right, she said, but isnt it upside down?
I looked at it
again. She was right! It was!
27.
A wet night
Late
in the afternoon, the boys put up their tent in the middle of a
field. As soon as this was done, they cooked a meal over an open
fire. They were all hungry and the food smelled good. After a
wonderful meal, they told stories and sang songs by the campfire. But
some time later it began to rain. The boys felt tired so they put out
the fire and crept into their tent. Their sleeping bags were warm and
comfortable, so they all slept soundly. In the middle of the night,
two boys woke up and began shouting. The tent was full of water! They
all leapt out of their sleeping bags and hurried outside. It was
raining heavily and they found that a stream had formed in the field.
The stream wound its way across the field and then flowed right under
their tent!
28.
No parking
Jasper
White is one of those rare people who believes in ancient myths. he
has just bought a new house in the city, but ever since he moved in,
he has had trouble with cars and their owners. When he returns home
at night, he always finds that someone has parked a car outside his
gate. Because of this, he has not been able to get his own car into
his garage even once. Jasper has put up No Parking signs outside his
gate, but these have not had any effect. Now he has put an ugly stone
head over the gate. It is one of the ugliest faces I have ever seen.
I asked him what it was and he told me that it was Medusa, the
Gorgon. jasper hopes that she will turn cars and their owners to
stone. But none of them has been turned to stone yet!
29．Taxi!
Captain
Ben Fawcett has bought an unusual taxi and has begun a new service.
The taxi is a small Swiss aeroplane called a Pilatus Porter. This
wonderful plane can carry seven passengers. The most surprising thing
about it, however, is that it can land anywhere: on snow, water, or
even on a ploughed field. Captain Fawcetts first passenger was a
doctor who flew from Birmingham to a lonely village in the Welsh
mountains. Since then, Captain Fawcett has flown passengers to many
unusual places. Once he landed on the roof of a block of flats and on
another occasion, he landed in a deserted car park. Captain Fawcett
has just refused a strange request from a businessman. The man wanted
to fly to Rockall, a lonely island in the Atlantic Ocean, but Captain
Fawcett did not take him because the trip was too dangerous。
30．Football
or polo?
The
Wayle is a small river that cuts across the park near my home. I like
sitting by the Wayle on fine afternoons. It was warm last Sunday, so
I went and sat on the river bank as usual. Some children were playing
games on the bank and there were some people rowing on the river.
Suddenly, one of the children kicked a ball very hard and it went
towards a passing boat. Some people on the bank called out to the man
in the boat, but he did not hear them. The ball struck him so hard
that he nearly fell into the water. I turned to look at the children,
but there werent any in sight: they had all run away! The man laughed
when he realized what had happened. He called out to the children and
threw the ball back to the bank.
31．Success
story
Yesterday
afternoon Frank Hawkins was telling me about his experiences as a
young man. Before he retired, Frank was the head of a very large
business company, but as a boy he used to work in a small shop. It
was his job to repair bicycles and at that time he used to work
fourteen hours a day. He saved money for years and in 1958 he bought
a small workshop of his own. In his twenties Frank used to make spare
parts for aeroplanes. At that time he had two helpers. In a few years
the small workshop had become a large factory which employed seven
hundred and twenty-eight people. Frank smiled when he remembered his
hard early years and the long road to success. He was still smiling
when the door opened and his wife came in. She wanted him to repair
their grandsons bicycle!
32．Shopping
made easy
People
are not so honest as they once were. The temptation to steal is
greater than ever before -- especially in large shops. A detective
recently watched a well-dressed woman who always went into a large
store on Monday mornings. One Monday, there were fewer people in the
shop than usual when the woman came in, so it was easier for the
detective to watch her. The woman first bought a few small articles.
After a little time, she chose one of the most expensive dresses in
the shop and handed it to an assistant who wrapped it up for her as
quickly as possible. Then the woman simply took the parcel and walked
out of the shop without paying. When she was arrested, the detective
found out that the shop assistant was her daughter. The girl gave her
mother a free dress once a week!
33．Out
of the darkness
Nearly
a week passed before the girl was able to explain what had happened
to her. One afternoon she set out from the coast in a small boat and
was caught in a storm. Towards evening, the boat struck a rock and
the girl jumped into the sea. Then she swam to the shore after
spending the whole night in the water. During that time she covered a
distance of eight miles. Early next morning, she saw a light ahead.
She knew she was near the shore because the light was high up on the
cliffs. On arriving at the shore, the girl struggled up the cliff
towards the light she had seen. That was all she remembered. When she
woke up a day later, she found herself in hospital.
34．Quick
work
Dan
Robinson has been worried all week. Last Tuesday he received a letter
from the local police. In the letter he was asked to call at the
station. Dan wondered why he was wanted by the police, but he went to
the station yesterday and now he is not worried anymore. At the
station, he was told by a smiling policeman that his bicycle had been
found. Five days ago, the policeman told him, the bicycle was picked
up in a small village four hundred miles away. It is now being sent
to his home by train. Dan was most surprised when he heard the news.
He was amused too, because he never expected the bicycle to be found.
It was stolen twenty years ago when Dan was a boy of fifteen!
35．Stop
thief!
Roy
Trenton used to drive a taxi. A short while ago, however, he became a
bus driver and he has not regretted it. He is finding his new work
far more exciting. When he was driving along Catford Street recently,
he saw two thieves rush out of a shop and run towards a waiting car.
One of them was carrying a bag full of money. Roy acted quickly and
drove the bus straight at the thieves. The one with the money got
such a fright that he dropped the bag. As the thieves were trying to
get away in their car, Roy drove his bus into the back of it. While
the battered car was moving away, Roy stopped his bus and telephoned
the police. The thieves car was badly damaged and easy to recognize.
Shortly afterwards, the police stopped the car and both men were
arrested.
36．Across
the Channel
Debbie
Hart is going to swim across the English Channel tomorrow. She is
going to set out from the French coast at five oclock in the morning.
Debbie is only eleven years old and she hopes to set up a new world
record. She is a strong swimmer and many people feel that she is sure
to succeed. Debbies father will set out with her in a small boat. Mr.
Hart has trained his daughter for years. Tomorrow he will be watching
her anxiously as she swims the long distance to England. Debbie
intends to take short rests every two hours. She will have something
to drink but she will not eat any solid food. Most of Debbies school
friends will be waiting for her on the English coast. Among them will
be Debbies mother, who swam the Channel herself when she was a girl.
37．The
Olympic Games
The
Olympic Games will be held in our country in four years time. As a
great many people will be visiting the country, the government will
be building new hotels, an immense stadium, and a new
Olympic-standard swimming pool. They will also be building new roads
and a special railway line. The Games will be held just outside the
capital and the whole area will be called Olympic City. Workers will
have completed the new roads by the end of this year. By the end of
next year, they will have finished work on the new stadium. The
fantastic modern buildings have been designed by Kurt Gunter.
Everybody will be watching anxiously as the new buildings go up. We
are all very excited and are looking forward to the Olympic Games
because they have never been held before in this country.
38．Everything
except the weather
My
old friend, Harrison, had lived in the Mediterranean for many years
before he returned to England. He had often dreamed of retiring in
England and had planned to settle down in the country. He had no
sooner returned than he bought a house and went to live there. Almost
immediately he began to complain about the weather, for even though
it was still summer, it rained continually and it was often bitterly
cold. After so many years of sunshine, Harrison got a shock. He acted
as if he had never lived in England before. In the end, it was more
than he could bear. He had hardly had time to settle down when he
sold the house and left the country. The dream he had had for so many
years ended there. Harrison had thought of everything except the
weather.
39．Am
I all right?
While
John Gilbert was in hospital, he asked his doctor to tell him whether
his operation had been successful, but the doctor refused to do so.
The following day, the patient asked for a bedside telephone. When he
was alone, he telephoned the hospital exchange and asked for Doctor
Millington. When the doctor answered the phone, Mr. Gilbert said he
was inquiring about a certain patient, a Mr. John Gilbert. He asked
if Mr. Gilberts operation had been successful and the doctor told him
that it had been. He then asked when Mr. Gilbert would be allowed to
go home and the doctor told him that he would have to stay in
hosptial for another two weeks. Then Dr. Millington asked the caller
if he was a relative of the patient. No, the patient answered, I am
Mr. John Gilbert.
40．Food
and talk
Last
week at a dinner party, the hostess asked me to sit next to Mrs.
Rumbold. Mrs. Rumbold was a large, unsmiling lady in a tight black
dress. She did not even look up when I took my seat beside her. Her
eyes were fixed on her plate and in a short time, she was busy
eating. I tried to make conversation.
A new play is coming to
"The Globe" soon, I said. Will you be seeing it?
No,
she answered.
Will you be spending your holidays abroad this
year? I asked.
No, she answered.
Will you be staying in
England? I asked.
No, she answered.
In despair, I asked her
whether she was enjoying her dinner.
Young man, she answered, if
you ate more and talked less, we would both enjoy our dinner!"
41．Do
you call that a hat?
Do
you call that a hat? I said to my wife.
You neednt be so rude
about it, my wife answered as she looked at herself in the mirror.
I
sat down on one of those modern chairs with holes in it and waited.
We had been in the hat shop for half an hour and my wife was still in
front of the mirror.
We mustnt buy things we dont need, I
remarked suddenly. I regretted saying it almost at once.
You
neednt have said that, my wife answered. I neednt remind you of that
terrible tie you bought yesterday.
I find it beautiful, I said. A
man can never have too many ties.
And a woman cant have too many
hats, she answered.
Ten minutes later we walked out of the shop
together. My wife was wearing a hat that looked like a lighthouse!
42．Not
very musical
As
we had had a long walk through one of the markets of old Delhi, we
stopped at a square to have a rest. After a time, we noticed a snake
charmer with two large baskets at the other side of the square, so we
went to have a look at him. As soon as he saw us, he picked up a long
pipe which was covered with coins and opened one of the baskets. When
he began to play a tune, we had our first glimpse of the snake. It
rose out of the basket and began to follow the movements of the pipe.
We were very much surprised when the snake charmer suddenly began to
play jazz and modern pop songs. The snake, however, continued to
dance slowly. It obviously could not tell the difference between
Indian music and jazz!
43．Over
the South Pole
In
1929, three years after his flight over the North Pole, the American
explorer, R.E. Byrd, successfully flew over the South Pole for the
first time. Though, at first, Byrd and his men were able to take a
great many photographs of the mountains that lay below, they soon ran
into serious trouble. At one point, it seemed certain that their
plane would crash. It could only get over the mountains if it rose to
10,000 feet. Byrd at once ordered his men to throw out two heavy food
sacks. The plane was then able to rise and it cleared the mountains
by 400 feet. Byrd now knew that he would be able to reach the South
Pole which was 300 miles away, for there were no more mountains in
sight. The aircraft was able to fly over the endless white plains
without difficulty.
44．Through
the forest
Mrs.
Anne Sterling did not think of the risk she was taking when she ran
through a forest after two men. They had rushed up to her while she
was having a picnic at the edge of a forest with her children and
tried to steal her handbag. In the struggle, the strap broke and,
with the bag in their possession, both men started running through
the trees. Mrs. Sterling got so angry that she ran after them. She
was soon out of breath, but she continued to run. When she caught up
with them, she saw that they had sat down and were going through the
contents of the bag, so she ran straight at them. The men got such a
fright that they dropped the bag and ran away. The strap needs
mending, said Mrs. Sterling later, but they did not steal anything.
45．A
clear conscience
The
whole village soon learnt that a large sum of money had been lost.
Sam Benton, the local butcher,
had lost his wallet while taking his savings to the post office. Sam
was sure that the wallet
must have been found by one of the villagers, but it was not returned
to him. Three months passed, and then one morning, Sam found his
wallet outside his front door. It had been wrapped up in newspaper
and it contained half the money he had lost, together with a note
which said: ‘A
thief, yes, but only 50 per cent a thief!’
Two months later, some more money was sent to Sam with another note:
‘Only
25 per cent a thief now! ‘In
time, all Sams money was paid back in this way. The last note said:
‘I
am 100 per cent honest now!’
46．Expensive
and uncomfortable
When
a plane from London arrived at Sydney airport, workers began to
unload a number of wooden boxes which contained clothing. No one
could account for the fact that one of the boxes was extremely heavy.
It suddenly occurred to one of the workers to open up the box. He was
astonished at what he found. A man was lying in the box on top of a
pile of woolen goods. He was so surprised at being discovered that he
did not even try to run away. After he was arrested, the man admitted
hiding in the box before the plane left London. He had had a long and
uncomfortable trip, for he had been confined to the wooden box for
over eighteen hours. The man was ordered to pay $3,500 for the cost
of the trip. The normal price of a ticket is $2,000!
47。A
thirsty ghost
A
public house which was recently bought by Mr.Ian Thompson is up for
sale. Mr.Thompson is going to sell it because it is haunted. He told
me that he could not go to sleep one night because he heard a strange
noise coming from the bar. The next morning, he found that the doors
had been blocked by chairs and the furniture had been moved. Though
Mr.Thompson had turned the lights off before he went to bed, they
were on in the morning. He also said that he had found five empty
whisky bottles which the ghost must have drunk the night before. When
I suggested that some villagers must have come in for a free drink,
Mr.Thompson shook his head. The villagers have told him that they
will not accept the pub even if he gives it away.
48．Did
you want to tell me something?
Dentists
always ask questions when it is impossible for you to answer. My
dentist had just pulled out one of my teeth and had told me to rest
for a while. I tried to say something, but my mouth was full of
cotton wool. He knew I collected match boxes and asked me whether my
collection was growing. He then asked me how my brother was and
whether I liked my new job in London. In answer to these questions I
either nodded or made strange noises. Meanwhile, my tongue was busy
searching out the hole where the tooth had been. I suddenly felt very
worried, but could not say anything. When the dentist at last removed
the cotton wool from my mouth, I was able to tell him that he had
pulled out the wrong tooth.
49．First
listen and then answer the question.
Tired
of sleeping on the floor, a young man in Teheran saved up for years
to buy a real bed. For the first time in his life, he became the
proud owner of a bed which had springs and a mattress. Because the
weather was very hot, he carried the bed on to the roof of his house.
He slept very well for the first two nights, but on the third night,
a storm blew up. A gust of wind swept the bed off the roof and sent
it crashing into the courtyard below. The young man did not wake up
until the bed had struck the ground. Although the bed was smashed to
pieces, the man was miraculously unhurt. When he woke up, he was
still on the mattress. Glancing at the bits of wood and metal that
lay around him, the man sadly picked up the mattress and carried it
into his house. After he had put it on the floor, he promptly went to
sleep again.
50．Taken
for a ride
I
love travelling in the country, but I dont like losing my way.
I
went on an excursion recently, but my trip took me longer than I
expected.
Im going to Woodford Green, I said to the conductor as
I got on the bus, but I dont know where it is.
Ill tell you where
to get off. answered the conductor.
I sat in the front of the bus
to get a good view of the countryside. After some time, the bus
stopped. Looking round, I realized with a shock that I was the only
passenger left on the bus.
Youll have to get off here, the
conductor said. This is as far as we go.
Is this Woodford Green?
I asked.
Oh dear, said the conductor suddenly. I forgot to put
you off.
It doesnt matter, I said. Ill get off here.
Were
going back now, said the conductor.
Well, in that case, I prefer
to stay on the bus, I answered.
51．Reward
for virtue
My
friend, Hugh, has always been fat, but things got so bad recently
that he decided to go on a diet. He began his diet a week ago. First
of all, he wrote out a long list of all the foods which were
forbidden. The list included most of the things Hugh loves: butter,
potatoes, rice, beer, milk, chocolate; and sweets. Yesterday I paid
him a visit. I rang the bell and was not surprised to see that Hugh
was still as fat as ever. He led me into his room and hurriedly hid a
large parcel under his desk. It was obvious that he was very
embarrassed. When I asked him what he was doing, he smiled guiltily
and then put the parcel on the desk. He explained that his diet was
so strict that he had to reward himself occasionally. Then he showed
me the contents of the parcel. It contained five large bars of
chocolate and three bags of sweets!
52．A
pretty carpet
We
have just moved into a new house and I have been working hard all
morning. I have been trying to get my new room in order. This has not
been easy because I own over a thousand books. To make matters worse,
the room is rather small, so I have temporarily put my books on the
floor. At the moment, they cover every inch of floor space and I
actually have to walk on them to get in or out of the room. A short
while ago, my sister helped me to carry one of my old bookcases up
the stairs. She went into my room and got a big surprise when she saw
all those books on the floor. This is the prettiest carpet I have
ever seen, she said. She gazed at it for some time then added, You
dont need bookcases at all. You can sit here in your spare time and
read the carpet!
53．Hot
snake
At
last firemen have put out a big forest fire in California. Since
then, they have been trying to find out how the fire began. Forest
fires are often caused by broken glass or by cigarette ends which
people carelessly throw away. Yesterday the firemen examined the
ground carefully, but were not able to find any broken glass. They
were also quite sure that a cigarette end did not start the fire.
This morning, however, a firemen accidentally discovered the cause.
He noticed the remains of a snake which was wound round the electric
wires of a 16,000-volt power line. In this way, he was able to solve
the mystery. The explanation was simple but very unusual. A bird had
snatched up the snake from the ground and then dropped it on to the
wires. The snake then wound itself round the wires. When it did so,
it sent sparks down to the ground and these immediately started a
fire.
54．Sticky
fingers
After
breakfast, I sent the children to school and then I went to the
shops. It was still early when I returned home. The children were at
school, my husband was at work and the house was quiet. So I decided
to make some meat pies. In a short time I was busy mixing butter and
flour and my hands were soon covered with sticky pastry. At exactly
that moment, the telephone rang. Nothing could have been more
annoying. I picked up the receiver between two sticky fingers and was
dismayed when I recognized the voice of Helen Bates. It took me ten
minutes to persuade her to ring back later. At last I hung up the
receiver. What a mess! There was pastry on my fingers, on the
telephone, and on the doorknobs. I had no sooner got back to the
kitchen than the doorbell rang loud enough to wake the dead. This
time it was the postman and he wanted me to sign for a registered
letter!
55．Not
a gold mine
Dreams
of finding lost treasure almost came true recently. A new machine
called The Revealer has been invented and it has been used to detect
gold which has been buried in the ground. The machine was used in a
cave near the seashore where -- it is said -- pirates used to hide
gold. The pirates would often bury gold in the cave and then fail to
collect it. Armed with the new machine, a search party went into the
cave hoping to find buried treasure. The leader of the party was
examining the soil near the entrance to the cave when the machine
showed that there was gold under the ground. Very excited, the party
dug a hole two feel deep. They finally found a small gold coin which
was almost worthless. The party then searched the whole cave
thoroughly but did not find anything except an empty tin trunk. In
spite of this, many people are confident that The Revealer may reveal
something of value fairly soon.
56．Faster
than sound!
Once
a year, a race is held for old cars. A lot of cars entered for this
race last year and there was a great deal of excitement just before
it began. One of the most handsome cars was a Rolls-Royce Silver
Ghost. The most unusual car was a Benz which had only three wheels.
Built in 1885, it was the oldest car taking part. After a great many
loud explosions, the race began. Many of the cars broke down on the
course and some drivers spent more time under their cars than in
them! A few cars, however, completed the race. The winning car
reached a speed of forty miles an hour -- much faster than any of its
rivals. It sped downhill at the end of the race and its driver had a
lot of trouble trying to stop it. The race gave everyone a great deal
of pleasure. It was very different from modern car races but no less
exciting.
57．Can
I help you, madam?
A
woman in jeans stood at the window of an expensive shop. Though she
hesitated for a moment, she finally went in and asked to see a dress
that was in the window. The assistant who served her did not like the
way she was dressed. Glancing at her scornfully, he told her that the
dress was sold. The woman walked out of the shop angrily and decided
to punish the assistant next day. She returned to the shop the
following morning dressed in a fur coat, with a handbag in one hand
and a long umbrella in the other. After seeking out the rude
assistant, she asked for the same dress. Not realizing who she was,
the assistant was eager to serve her this time. With great
difficulty, he climbed into the shop window to get the dress. As soon
as she saw it, the woman said she did not like it. She enjoyed
herself making the assistant bring almost everything in the window
before finally buying the dress she had first asked for.
58．A
blessing in disguise?
The
tiny village of Frinley is said to possess a cursed tree. Because the
tree was mentioned in a newspaper, the number of visitors to Frinley
has now increased. The tree was planted near the church fifty years
ago, but it is only in recent years that it has gained an evil
reputation. It is said that if anyone touches the tree, he will have
bad luck; if he picks a leaf, he will die. Many villagers believe
that the tree has already claimed a number of victims. The vicar has
been asked to have the tree cut down, but so far he has refused. He
has pointed out that the tree cut down, but so far he has refused. He
has pointed out that the tree is a useful source of income, as
tourists have been coming from all parts of the country to see it. In
spite of all that has been said, the tourists have been picking
leaves and cutting their names on the tree-trunk. So far, not one of
them has been struck down by sudden death!
59．In
or out?
Our
dog, Rex, used to sit outside our front gate and bark.
Every time he wanted to come into the garden he would bark until
someone opened the gate. As the neighbours complained of the noise,
my husband spent weeks training him to press his paw on the latch to
let himself in. Rex soon became an expert at opening the gate.
However, when I was going out shopping last week, I noticed him in
the garden near the gate. This time he was barking so that someone
would let him out! Since then, he has developed another bad habit. As
soon as he opens the gate from the outside, he comes into the garden
and waits until the gate shuts. Then he sits and barks until someone
lets him out. After this he immediately lets himself in and begins
barking again. Yesterday my husband removed the gate and Rex got so
annoyed we have not seen him since.
60．The
future
At
a village fair, I decided to visit a fortune-teller called Madam
Bellinsky. I went into her tent and she told me to sit down. After I
had given her some money, she looked into a crystal ball and said: A
relation of yours is coming to see you. She will be arriving this
evening and intends to stay for a few days. The moment you leave this
tent, you will get a big surprise. A woman you know well will rush
towards you. She will speak to you and then she will lead you away
from this place. That is all.
As soon as I went outside, I forgot
all about Madam Bellinsky because my wife hurried towards me. Where
have you been hiding? she asked impatiently. Your sister will be here
in less than an hour and we must be at the station to meet her. We
are late already. As she walked away, I followed her out of the fair.
61．Trouble
with the Hubble
The
Hubble telescope was launched into space by NASA on April 20,1990 at
a cost of over a billion dollars. Right from the start there was
trouble with the Hubble. The pictures it sent us were very
disappointing because its main mirror was faulty! NASA is now going
to put the telescope right, so it will soon be sending up four
astronauts to repair it. The shuttle Endeavour will be taking the
astronauts to the Hubble. A robot-arm from the Endeavour will grab
the telescope and hold it while the astronauts make the necessary
repairs. Of course, the Hubble is above the earths atmosphere, so it
will soon be sending us the clearest pictures of the stars and
distant galaxies that we have ever seen. The Hubble will tell us a
great deal about the age and size of the universe. By the time you
read this, the Hubbles eagle eye will have sent us thousands and
thousands of wonderful pictures.
62．After
the fire
Firemen
had been fighting the forest for nearly three weeks before they could
get it under control. A short time before, great trees had covered
the countryside for miles around. Now, smoke still rose up from the
warm ground over the desolate hills. Winter was coming on and the
hills threatened the surrounding villages with destruction, for heavy
rain would not only wash away the soil but would cause serious floods
as well. When the fire had at last been put out, the forest
authorities ordered several tons of a special type of grass-seed
which would grow quickly. The seed was sprayed over the ground in
huge quantities by aeroplanes. The planes had been planting seed for
nearly a month when it began to rain. By then, however, in many
places the grass had already taken root. In place of the great trees
which had been growing there for centuries patches of green had begun
to appear in the blackened soil.
63．She
was not amused
Jeremy
Hampden has a large circle of friends and is
very popular at parties. Everybody admires him for his great sense of
humour -- everybody, that is, except his six-year-old daughter,
Jenny. Recently, one of Jeremys closest friends asked him to make a
speech at a wedding reception. This is the sort of thing that Jeremy
loves. He prepared the speech carefully and went to the wedding with
Jenny. he had included a large number of funny stories in the speech
and, of course, it was a great success. As soon as he had finished,
Jenny told him she wanted to go home. Jeremy was a little
disappointed by this but he did as his daughter asked. On the way
home, he asked Jenny if she had enjoyed the speech. To his surprise,
she said she hadnt. Jeremy asked her why this was so and she told him
that she did not like to see so many people laughing at him!
64．The
Channel Tunnel
In
1858, a French engineer, Aime Thome de Gamond, arrived in England
with a plan for a twenty-one-mile tunnel under the English Channel.
He said that it would be possible to build a platform in the centre
of the Channel. This platform would serve as a port and a railway
station. The tunnel would be well-ventilated if tall chimneys were
built above sea level. In 1860, a better plan was put forward by an
Englishman, William Low. He suggested that a double railway-tunnel
should be built. This would solve the problem of ventilation, for if
a train entered this tunnel, it would draw in fresh air behind it.
Forty-two years later a tunnel was actually begun. If, at the time,
the British had not feared invasion, it would have been completed.
The world had to wait almost another 100 years for the Channel
Tunnel. It was officially opened on March 7,1994, finally connecting
Britain to the European continent.
65．Jumbo
versus the police
Last
Christmas, the circus owner, Jimmy Gates, decided to take some
presents to a childrens hospital. Dressed up as Father Christmas and
accompanied by a guard of honour of six pretty girls, he set off down
the main street of the city riding a baby elephant called Jumbo. He
should have known that the police would never allow this sort of
thing. A policeman approached Jimmy and told him he ought to have
gone along a side street as Jumbo was holding up the traffic. Though
Jimmy agreed to go at once, Jumbo refused to move. Fifteen policemen
had to push very hard to get him off the main street. The police had
a difficult time, but they were most amused. Jumbo must weigh a few
tons, said a policeman afterwards, so it was fortunate that we didnt
have to carry him. Of course, we should arrest him, but as he has a
good record, we shall let him off this time.
66．Sweet
as honey!
In
1963 a Lancaster bomber crashed on Wallis Island, a remote place in
the South Pacific, a long way west of Samoa. The plane wasnt too
badly damaged, but over the years, the crash was forgotten and the
wreck remained undisturbed. Then in 1989, twenty-six years after the
crash, the plane was accidentally rediscovered in an aerial survey of
the island. By this time, a Lancaster bomber in reasonable condition
was rare and worth rescuing. The French authorities had the plane
packaged and moved in parts back to France. Now a group of
enthusiasts are going to have the plane restored. It has four
Rolls-Royce Merlin engines, but the group will need to have only
three of them rebuilt. Imagine their surprise and delight when they
broke open the packing cases and found that the fourth engine was
sweet as honey -- still in perfect condition. A colony of bees had
turned the engine into a hive and it was totally preserved in
beeswax!
67．Volcanoes
Haroun
Tazieff, the Polish scientist, has spent his lifetime studying active
volcanoes and deep caves in all parts of the world. In 1948, he went
to Lake Kivu in the Congo to observe a new volcano which he later
named Kituro. Tazieff was able to set up his camp very close to the
volcano while it was erupting violently. Though he managed to take a
number of brilliant photographs, he could not stay near the volcano
for very long. He noticed that a river of liquid rock was coming
towards him. It threatened to surround him completely, but Tazieff
managed to escape just in time. He waited until the volcano became
quiet and he was able to return two days later. This time, he managed
to climb into the mouth of Kituro so that he could take photographs
and measure temperatures. Tazieff has often risked his life in this
way. He has been able to tell us more about active volcanoes than any
man alive.
68．Persistent
I
crossed the street to avoid meeting him, but he saw me and came
running towards me. It was no use pretending that I had not seen him,
so I waved to him. I never enjoy meeting Nigel Dykes. He never has
anything to do. No matter how busy you are, he always insists on
coming with you. I had to think of a way of preventing him from
following me around all morning.
Hello, Nigel, I said. Fancy
meeting you here!
Hi, Elizabeth, Nigel answered. I was just
wondering how to spend the morning -- until I saw you. Youre not busy
doing anything, are you?
No, not at all, I answered. Im going
to...
Would you mind my coming with you? he asked, before I had
finished speaking.
Not at all, I lied, but Im going to the
dentist.
Then Ill come with you, he answered. Theres always
plenty to read in the waiting room!
69．But
not murder!
I
was being tested for a driving licence for the third time. I had been
asked to drive in heavy traffic and had done so successfully. After
having been instructed to drive out of town, I began to acquire
confidence. Sure that I had passed, I was almost beginning to enjoy
my test. The examiner must have been pleased with my performance, for
he smiled and said. Just one more thing, Mr.Eames. Let us suppose
that a child suddenly crosses the road in front of you. As soon as I
tap on the window, you must stop within five feet. I continued
driving and after some time, the examiner tapped loudly, Though the
sound could be heard clearly, it took me a long time to react. I
suddenly pressed the brake pedal and we were both thrown forward. The
examiner looked at me sadly. Mr.Eames, he said, in a mournful voice,
you have just killed that child!
70．Red
for danger
During
a bullfight, a drunk suddenly wandered into the middle of the ring.
The crowd began to shout, but the drunk was unaware of the danger.
The bull was busy with the matador at the time, but it suddenly
caught sight of the drunk who was shouting rude remarks and waving a
red cap. Apparently sensitive to criticism, the bull forgot all about
the matador and charged at the drunk. The crowd suddenly grew quiet.
The drunk, however, seemed quite sure of himself. When the bull got
close to him, he clumsily stepped aside to let it pass. The crowd
broke into cheers and the drunk bowed. By this time, however, three
men had come into the ring and they quickly dragged the drunk to
safety. Even the bull seemed to feel sorry for him, for it looked on
sympathetically until the drunk was out of the way before once more
turning its attention to the matador.
71．A
famous clock
When
you visit London, one of the first things you will see is Big Ben,
the famous clock which can be heard all over the world on the B.B.C.
If the Houses of Parliament had not been burned down in 1834, the
great clock would never have been erected. Big Ben takes its name
from Sir Benjamin Hall who was responsible for the making of the
clock when the new Houses of Parliament were being built. It is not
only of immense size, but is extremely accurate as well. Officials
from Greenwich Observatory have the clock checked twice a day. On the
B.B.C. you can hear the clock when it is actually striking because
microphones are connected to the clock tower. Big Ben has rarely gone
wrong. Once, however, it failed to give the correct time. A painter
who had been working on the tower hung a pot of paint on one of the
hands and slowed it down!
72．A
car called bluebird
The
great racing driver, Sir Malcolm Campbell, was the first man to drive
at over 300 miles per hour. He set up a new world record in September
1935 at Bonneville Salt Flats, Utah. Bluebird, the car he was
driving, had been specially built for him. It was over 30 feet in
length and had a 2,500-horsepower engine. Although Campbell reached a
speed of over 304 miles per hour, he had great difficulty in
controlling the car because a tyre burst during the first run. After
his attempt, Campbell was disappointed to learn that his average
speed had been 299 miles per hour. However, a few days later, he was
told that a mistake had been made. His average speed had been 301
miles per hour. Since that time, racing drivers have reached speeds
over 600 miles an hour. Following in his fathers footsteps many years
later, Sir Malcolms son, Donald, also set up a world record. Like his
father, he was driving a car called Bluebird.
73．The
record-holder
Children
who play truant from school are unimaginative. A quiet days fishing,
or eight hours in a cinema seeing the same film over and over again,
is usually as far as they get. They have all been put to shame by a
boy who, while playing truant, travelled 1,600 miles. He hitchhiked
to Dover and, towards evening, went into a boat to find somewhere to
sleep. When he woke up next morning, he discovered that the boat had,
in the meantime, travelled to Calais. No one noticed the boy as he
crept off. From there, he hitchhiked to Paris in a lorry. The driver
gave him a few biscuits and a cup of coffee and left him just outside
the city. The next car the boy stopped did not take him into the
centre of Paris as he hoped it would, but to Perpignan on the
French-Spanish border. There he was picked up by a policeman and sent
back to England by the local authorities. He has surely set up a
record for the thousands of children who dream of evading school.
74．Out
of the limelight
An
ancient bus stopped by a dry river bed and a party of famous actors
and actresses got off. Dressed in dark glasses and old clothes, they
had taken special precautions so that no one should recognize them.
But as they soon discovered, disguises can sometimes be too perfect.
'This is a wonderful place for a picnic,' said Gloria Gleam.
'It
couldn't be better, Gloria,' Brinksley Meers agreed. 'No newspaper
men, no film fans! Why don't we come more often?'
Meanwhile, two
other actors, Rockwall Slinger and Merlin Greeves, had carried two
large food baskets to a shady spot under some trees. When they had
all made themselves comfortable, a stranger appeared. He looked very
angry. 'Now you get out of here, all of you!' he shouted. 'I'm
sheriff here. Do you see that notice? It says "No Camping"
-- in case you can't read!'
'Look, sheriff,' said Rockwall,
'don't be too hard on us. I'm Rockwall Slinger and this is Merlin
Greeves.'
'Oh, is it?' said the sheriff with a sneer. 'Well, I'm
Brinksley Meers, and my other name is Gloria Gleam. Now you get out
of here fast!'
75．SOS
When
a light passenger plane flew off course some time ago, it crashed in
the mountains and its pilot was killed. The only passengers, a young
woman and her two baby daughters, were unhurt. It was the middle of
winter. Snow lay thick on the ground. The woman knew that the nearest
village was miles away. When it grew dark, she turned a suitcase into
a bed and put the children inside it, covering them with all the
clothes she could find. During the night, it got terribly cold. The
woman kept as near as she could to the children and even tried to get
into the case herself, but it was too small. Early next morning, she
heard planes passing overhead and wondered how she could send a
signal. Then she had an idea. She stamped out the letters 'SOS' in
the snow. Fortunately, a pilot saw the signal and sent a message by
radio to the nearest town. It was not long before a helicopter
arrived on the scene to rescue the survivors of the plane crash.
76．April
Fools' Day
'To
end our special news bulletin,' said the voice of the television
announcer, 'we're going over to the macaroni fields of Calabria.
Macaroni has been grown in this area for over six hundred years. Two
of the leading growers, Giuseppe Moldova and Riccardo Brabante, tell
me that they have been expecting a splendid crop this year and
harvesting has begun earlier than usual. Here you can see two workers
who, between them, have just finished cutting three cartloads of
golden brown macaroni stalks. The whole village has been working day
and night gathering and threshing this year's crop before the
September rains. On the right, you can see Mrs. Brabante herself. She
has been helping her husband for thirty years now. Mrs. Brabante is
talking to the manager of the local factory where the crop is
processed. This last scene shows you what will happen at the end of
the harvest: the famous Calabrian macaroni-eating competition! Signor
Fratelli, the present champion, has won it every year since 1991. And
that ends our special bulletin for today, Thursday, April lst. We're
now going back to the studio.'
77．A
successful operation
The
mummy of an Egyptian woman who died in 800 B.C. has just had an
operation. The mummy is that of Shepenmut who was once a singer in
the Temple of Thebes. As there were strange marks on the X-ray plates
taken of the mummy, doctors have been trying to find out whether the
woman died of a rare disease. The only way to do this was to operate.
The operation, which lasted for over four hours, proved to be very
difficult because of the hard resin which covered the skin. The
doctors removed a section of the mummy and sent it to a laboratory.
They also found something which the X-ray plates did not show: a
small wax figure of the god Duamutef. This god which has the head of
a cow was normally placed inside a mummy. The doctors have not yet
decided how the woman died. They feared that the mummy would fall to
pieces when they cut it open, but fortunately this has not happened.
The mummy successfully survived the operation.
78．The
last one?
For
how long did the writer give up smoking?
After reading an article
entitled 'Cigarette Smoking and Your Health' I lit a cigarette to
calm my nerves. I smoked with concentration and pleasure as I was
sure that this would be my last cigarette. For a whole week I did not
smoke at all and during this time, my wife suffered terribly. I had
all the usual symptoms of someone giving up smoking: a bad temper and
an enormous appetite. My friends kept on offering me cigarettes and
cigars. They made no effort to hide their amusement whenever I
produced a packet of sweets from my pocket. After seven days of this
I went to a party. Everybody around me was smoking and I felt
extremely uncomfortable. When my old friend Brian urged me to accept
a cigarette, it was more than I could bear. I took one guiltily, lit
it and smoked with satisfaction. My wife was delighted that things
had returned to normal once more. Anyway, as Brian pointed out, it is
the easiest thing in the world to give up smoking. He himself has
done it lots of times!
79．By
air
I
used to travel by air a great deal when I was a boy. My parents used
to live in South America and I used to fly there from Europe in the
holidays. A flight attendant would take charge of me and I never had
an unpleasant experience. I am used to traveling by air and only on
one occasion have I ever felt frightened. After taking off, we were
flying low over the city and slowly gaining height, when the plane
suddenly turned round and flew back to the airport. While we were
waiting to land, a flight attendant told us to keep calm and to get
off the plane quietly as soon as it had touched down. Everybody on
board was worried and we were curious to find out what had happened.
Later we learnt that there was a very important person on board. The
police had been told that a bomb had been planted on the plane. After
we had landed, the plane was searched thoroughly. Fortunately,
nothing was found and five hours later we were able to take off
again.
80．The
Crystal Palace
Perhaps
the most extraordinary building of the nineteeth century was the
Crystal Palace, which was built in Hyde Park for the Great Exhibition
of 1851. The Crystal Palace was different from all other buildings in
the world, for it was made of iron and glass. It was one of the
biggest buildings of all time and a lot of people from many countries
came to see it. A great many goods were sent to the exhibition from
various parts of the world. There was also a great deal of machinery
on display. The most wonderful piece of machinery on show was
Nasmyth's steam hammer. Though in those days, traveling was not as
easy as it is today, steam boats carried thousands of visitors across
the Channel from Europe. On arriving in England, they were taken to
the Crystal Palace by train. There were six million visitors in all,
and the profits from the exhibition were used to build museums and
colleges. Later, the Crystal Palace was moved to South London. It
remained one of the most famous buildings in the world until it was
burnt down in 1936.
81.Escape
When
he had killed the guard, the *er of war quickly dragged him into
the bushes. Working rapidly in the darkness, he soon changed into the
dead man's clothes. Now, dressed in a blue uniform and with a rifle
over his shoulder, the *er marched boldly up and down in front
of the camp. He could hear shouting in the camp itself. Lights were
blazing and men were running here and there: they had just discovered
that a *er had escaped. At that moment, a large black car with
four officers inside it, stopped at the camp gates. The officers got
out and the *er stood to attention and saluted as they passed.
When they had gone, the driver of the car came towards him. The man
obviously wanted to talk. He was rather elderly with grey hair and
clear blue eyes. The *er felt sorry for him, but there was
nothing else he could do. As the man came near, the *er knocked
him to the ground with a sharp blow. Then, jumping into the car, he
drove off as quickly as he could.
82.Monster
or fish?
Fishermen
and sailors sometimes claim to have seen monsters in the sea. Though
people have often laughed at stories told by seamen, it is now known
that many of these 'monsters' which have at times been sighted are
simply strange fish. Occasionally, unusual creatures are washed to
the shore, but they are rarely caught out at sea. Some time ago,
however, a peculiar fish was caught near Madagascar. A small fishing
boat was carried miles out to sea by the powerful fish as it pulled
on the line. Realizing that this was no ordinary fish, the fisherman
made every effort not to damage it in any way. When it was eventually
brought to shore, it was found to be over thirteen feet long. It had
a head like a horse, big blue eyes, shining silver skin, and a bright
red tail. The fish, which has since been sent to a museum where it is
being examined by a scientist, is called an oarfish. Such creatures
have rarely been seen alive by man as they live at a depth of six
hundred feet.
83.After
the elections
The
former Prime Minister, Mr. Wentworth Lane, was defeated in the recent
elections. He is now retiring from political life and has gone
abroad. My friend, Patrick, has always been a fanatical opponent of
Mr. Lane's Radical Progressive Party. After the elections, Patrick
went to the former Prime Minister's house. When he asked if Mr. Lane
lived there, the policeman on duty told him that since his defeat,
the ex-Prime Minister had gone abroad. On the following day, Patrick
went to the house again. The same policeman was just walking slowly
past the entrance, when Patrick asked the same question. Though a
little suspicious this time, the policeman gave him the same answer.
The day after, Patrick went to the house once more and asked exactly
the same question. This time, the policeman lost his temper. 'I told
you yesterday and the day before yesterday,' he shouted, 'Mr. Lane
was defeated in the elections. He has retired from political life and
gone to live abroad!"
'I know,' answered Patrick, 'but I
love to hear you say it!
84.
On strike
Busmen
have decided to go on strike next week. The strike is due to begin on
Tuesday. No one knows how long it will last. The busmen have stated
that the strike will continue until general agreement is reached
about pay and working conditions. Most people believe that the strike
will last for at least a week. Many owners of private cars are going
to offer 'free rides' to people on their way to work. This will
relieve pressure on the trains to some extent. Meanwhile, a number of
university students have volunteered to drive buses while the strike
lasts. All the students are expert drivers, but before they drive any
of the buses, they will have to pass a special test. The students are
going to take the test in two days' time. Even so, people are going
to find it difficult to get to work. But so far, the public has
expressed its gratitude to the students in letters to the Press. Only
one or two people have objected that the students will drive too
fast!
85.
Never too old to learn
I
have just received a letter from my old school, informing me that my
former headmaster, Mr. Stuart Page, will be retiring next week.
Pupils of the school, old and new, will be sending him a present to
mark the occasion. All those who have contributed towards the gift
will sign their names in a large album which will be sent to the
headmaster's home. We shall all remember Mr. Page for his patience
and understanding and for the kindly encouragement he gave us when we
went so unwillingly to school. A great many former pupils will be
attending a farewell dinner in his honour next Thursday. It is a
curious coincidence that the day before his retirement, Mr. Page will
have been teaching for a total of forty years. After he has retired,
he will devote himself to gardening. For him, this will be an
entirely new hobby. But this does not matter, for, as he has often
remarked, one is never too old to learn.
86.
Out of control
As
the man tried to swing the speedboat round, the steering wheel came
away in his hands. He waved desperately to his companion, who had
been water skiing for the last fifteen minutes. Both men had hardly
had time to realize what was happening when they were thrown
violently into the sea. The speedboat had struck a buoy, but it
continued to move very quickly across the water. Both men had just
begun to swim towards the shore, when they noticed with dismay that
the speedboat was moving in a circle. It now came straight towards
them at tremendous speed. In less than a minute, it roared past them
only a few feet away. After it had passed, they swam on as quickly as
they could because they knew that the boat would soon return. They
had just had enough time to swim out of danger when the boat again
completed a circle. On this occasion, however, it had slowed down
considerably. The petrol had nearly all been used up. Before long,
the noise dropped completely and the boat began to drift gently
across the water.
87.
A perfect alibi
'At
the time the murder was committed, I was travelling on the 8 o'clock
train to London,' said the man.
'Do you always catch such an
early train?' asked the inspector.
'Of course I do,' answered the
man. 'I must be at work at 10 o'clock. My employer will confirm that
I was there on time.'
'Would a later train get you to work on
time?' asked the inspector.
'I suppose it would, but I never
catch a later train.'
'At what time did you arrive at the
station?'
'At ten to eight. I bought a paper and waited for the
train.'
'And you didn't notice anything unusual?'
'Of course
not.'
'I suggest,' said the inspector, 'that you are not telling
the truth. I suggest that you did not catch the 8 o'clock train, but
that you caught the 8.25 which would still get you to work on time.
You see, on the morning of the murder, the 8 o'clock train did not
run at all. It broke down at Ferngreen station and was taken off the
line.'
88.Trapped
in a mine
Six
men have been trapped in a mine for seventeen hours. If they are not
brought to the surface soon they may lose their lives. However,
rescue operations are proving difficult. If explosives are used,
vibrations will cause the roof of the mine to collapse. Rescue
workers are therefore drilling a hole on the north side of the mine.
They intend to bring the men up in a special capsule. If there had
not been a hard layer of rock beneath the soil, they would have
completed the job in a few hours. As it is, they have been drilling
for sixteen hours and they still have a long way to go. Meanwhile, a
microphone, which was lowered into the mine two hours ago, has
enabled the men to keep in touch with their closest relatives. Though
they are running out of food and drink, the men are cheerful and
confident that they will get out soon. They have been told that
rescue operations are progressing smoothly. If they knew how
difficult it was to drill through the hard rock, they would lose
heart.
89.
A slip of the tongue
People
will do anything to see a free show -- even if it is a bad one. When
the news got round that a comedy show would be presented at our local
cinema by the P. and U. Bird Seed Company, we all rushed to see it.
We had to queue for hours to get in and there must have been several
hundred people present just before the show began. Unfortunately, the
show was one of the dullest we have ever seen. Those who failed to
get in need not have felt disappointed, as many of the artistes who
should have appeared did not come. The only funny things we heard
that evening came from the advertiser at the beginning of the
programme. He was obviously very nervous and for some minutes stood
awkwardly before the microphone. As soon as he opened his mouth,
everyone burst out laughing. We all know what the poor man should
have said, but what he actually said was: 'This is the Poo and Ee
Seed Bird Company. Good ladies, evening and gentlemen!"
90.
What's for supper?
Fish
and chips has always been a favourite dish in Britain, but as the
oceans have been overfished, fish has become more and more expensive.
So it comes as a surprise to learn that giant fish are terrifying the
divers on North Sea oil rigs. Oil rigs have to be repaired frequently
and divers, who often have to work in darkness a hundred feet under
water, have been frightened out of their wits by giant fish bumping
into them as they work. Now they have had special cages made to
protect them from these monsters. The fish are not sharks or killer
whales, but favourite eating varieties like cod and skate which grow
to unnatural sizes, sometimes as much as twelve feet in length. Three
factors have caused these fish to grow so large: the warm water round
the hot oil pipes under the sea; the plentiful supply of food thrown
overboard by the crews on the rigs; the total absence of fishing
boats around the oil rigs. As a result, the fish just eat and eat and
grow and grow in the lovely warm water. Who eats who?
91.
Three men in a basket
A
pilot noticed a balloon which seemed to be making for a Royal Air
Force Station nearby. He informed the station at once, but no one
there was able to explain the mystery. The officer in the control
tower was very angry when he heard the news, because balloons can be
a great danger to aircraft. He said that someone might be spying on
the station and the pilot was ordered to keep track of the strange
object. The pilot managed to circle the balloon for some time. He
could make out three men in a basket under it and one of them was
holding a pair of binoculars. When the balloon was over the station,
the pilot saw one of the men taking photographs. Soon afterwards, the
balloon began to descend and it landed near an airfield. The police
were called in, but they could not arrest anyone, for the basket
contained two Members of Parliament and the Commanding Officer of the
station! As the Commanding Officer explained later, one half of the
station did not know what the other half was doing!
92.
Asking for trouble
Why
did the policeman ask the writer to come to the police station?
It
must have been about two in the morning when I returned home. I tried
to wake up my wife by ringing the doorbell, but she was fast asleep,
so I got a ladder from the shed in the garden, put it against the
wall, and began climbing towards the bedroom window. I was almost
there when a sarcastic voice below said, 'I don't think the windows
need cleaning at this time of the night.' I looked down and nearly
fell off the ladder when I saw a policeman. I immediately regretted
answering in the way I did, but I said, 'I enjoy cleaning windows at
night.'
'So do I,' answered the policeman in the same tone.
'Excuse my interrupting you. I hate to interrupt a man when he's busy
working, but would you mind coming with me to the station?'
'Well,
I'd prefer to stay here,' I said. 'You see. I've forgotten my key.'
'Your what?' he called.
'My key,' I shouted.
Fortunately,
the shouting woke up my wife who opened the window just as the
policeman had started to climb towards me.
93.
A noble gift
One
of the most famous monuments in the world, the Statue of Liberty, was
presented to the United States of America in the nineteenth century
by the people of France. The great statue, which was designed by the
sculptor Auguste Bartholdi, took ten years to complete. The actual
figure was made of copper supported by a metal framework which had
been especially constructed by Eiffel. Before it could be transported
to the United States, a site had to be found for it and a pedestal
had to be built. The site chosen was an island at the entrance of New
York Harbour. By 1884, a statue which was 151 feet tall had been
erected in Paris. The following year, it was taken to pieces and sent
to America. By the end of October 1886, the statue had been put
together again and it was officially presented to the American people
by Bartholdi. Ever since then, the great monument has been a symbol
of liberty for the millions of people who have passed through New
York Harbour to make their homes in America.
94.
Future champions
Experiments
have proved that children can be instructed in swimming at a very
early age. At a special swimming pool in Los Angeles, children become
expert at holding their breath under water even before they can walk.
Babies of two months old do not appear to be reluctant to enter the
water. It is not long before they are so accustomed to swimming that
they can pick up weights from the floor of the pool. A game that is
very popular with these young swimmers is the underwater tricycle
race. Tricycles are lined up on the floor of the pool seven feet
under water. The children compete against each other to reach the
other end of the pool. Many pedal their tricycles, but most of them
prefer to push or drag them. Some children can cover the whole length
of the pool without coming up for breath even once. Whether they will
ever become future Olympic champions, only time will tell. Meanwhile,
they should encourage those among us who cannot swim five yards
before they are gasping for air.
95.
A fantasy
When
the Ambassador or Escalopia returned home for lunch, his wife got a
shock. He looked pale and his clothes were in a frightful state.
'What has happened?' she asked. 'How did your clothes get into
such a mess?'
'A fire extinguisher, my dear,' answered the
Ambassador drily. 'University students set the Embassy on fire this
morning.'
'Good heavens!' exclaimed his wife. 'And where were you
at the time?'
'I was in my office as usual,' answered the
Ambassador. 'The fire broke out in the basement. I went down
immediately, of course, and that fool, Horst, aimed a fire
extinguisher at me. He thought I was on fire. I must definitely get
that fellow posted.'
The Ambassador's wife went on asking
questions, when she suddenly noticed a big hole in her husband's hat.
'And how can you explain that?' she asked.
'Oh, that,' said
the Ambassador. 'Someone fired a shot through my office window.
Accurate, don't you think? Fortunately, I wasn't wearing it at the
time. If I had been, I would not have been able to get home for
lunch.'
96.
The dead return
A
Festival for the Dead is held once a year in Japan. This festival is
a cheerful occasion, for on this day, the dead are said to return to
their homes and they are welcomed by the living. As they are expected
to be hungry after their long journey, food is laid out for them.
Specially-made *s are hung outside each house to help the dead
to find their way. All night long, people dance and sing. In the
early morning, the food that had been laid out for the dead is thrown
into a river or into the sea as it is considered unlucky for anyone
living to eat it. In towns that are near the sea, the tiny *s
which had been hung in the streets the night before, are placed into
the water when the festival is over. Thousands of *s slowly
drift out to sea guiding the dead on their return journey to the
other world. This is a moving spectacle, for crowds of people stand
on the shore watching the *s drifting away until they can be
seen no more.